" According to Aristophanes in Plato's The Banquet, in the ancient world of legend there were three types of people .
In ancient times people weren't simply male or female, but one of three types : male/male, male/female or female/female . In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people . Everyone was happy with this arrangment and never really gave it much thought . But then God took a knife and cut everyone in half, right down the middle . So after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing half . "

" And why did God do that ? "

" Divide people into two ? You've got me . God works in mysterious ways . There's that whole wrath-of-God thing . All that excessive idealism and so on . My guess is it was punishment for something . As in the bible . Adam and Eve and the fall and so on . "

" Original sin "

" That's right . Original sin .
Anyway , my point is that it's really hard for people to live their lives alone .... "

My mom folds a kleenex in such a way that allows her to to use it for four blows .
She'd blow her nose once , put it back in the box , then later re-uses it . Four times .
It used to annoy the living hell out of me .
I used to secretly think she's cheap .
It's just a goddamn kleenex . Blow your nose once and throw it out woman !
When i confronted her she stood her ground and said that her technique was very legitimate since it allowed her a clean dry blow at every time .
I was never convinced tho and always felt strongly about the kleenex-fold-out .
The other day my dad asked me for a tissue .
I digged in my bag and gave him one .
He looked at it then he was like : Hey .. you do it just like your mother !
I bummed hard . Real hard .

Labels: Farts